Tuesday, August 09, 2011
Finally, this piece is ready in its entirety. If you are nearby, please come and see it with us.
It is only now that it is finished that I realise how heavily emotional this is for me. First of all it is the best work I have ever done, to say I am proud is an understatement.
Beyond that however, it has morphed into a representation of a complete change in my life. The concept of the piece and the storyboard has become literal for me. During the location scout I remember explaining to Manny and Krummi that this was the first piece throughout the Project's lifespan in which I was being emotionally pushed.
Following the breakdown of my relationship - which this was immediately afterward. I wanted to sink into myself, to hide. I was leaning to being purely behind the camera, not because of the challenges of filming or my development as a director - which demand me more and more on that side - but because I didn't want anyone to look at me, I didn't want anyone to see me. I wanted to be invisible.
Straight after the break up I called Manny and Krummi and explained I wanted to pull the piece. Completely lacking my focus and usual ability to cope. In addition to the massive task of organising this, the financial hit was something impossible combined with the new challenge of finding a new home and buying half my furniture again.
I am a very lucky person. The people around me believed in the Project and wanted to help to make it happen no matter what.
The day after I visited him and let my utter exhaustion and devastation show through tears of disappointment and frustration, Manny Santiago arranged a Kickstarter fund on behalf of the Episode. During the next days he proceeded to call and pitch sponsorship for the event from Reykjavik Excursions for the transport and Hosteling International for the accommodation.
Via contacts from Krummi I managed to get part sponsorship for the equipment from Pegasus and crew members came forward left and right to donate their time and skills. Very special people gave financial support via Kickstarter, including some special support from Brian Haines, Linda Ward, Nathan Richardson and Derek Wise.
As I have said before, the weather gods gifted us and the cast and crew all worked with a realisation this was something different. A certain kind of magic was with us on set for that weekend. The women bonded more intimately than on any previous piece and joy was felt throughout.
On set, as we finished the last shots I could feel an emotional tidal wave creeping up inside me. I realised the very process of completing this Episode in the exhausted and drained state I had been in for that month, at its core had helped me to move forward and reach needs of my own I hadn't been listening to for a long time.
As I watched the raw footage of the women behind the waterfall (Part I) I burst into tears. I composed myself pretty quickly. But later that day, specifically as Derek was serving us incredible food he had cooked and paid for himself I felt myself crack. Escaping outside whilst everyone deservedly stuffed their faces, I sat and let myself sob. Release, joy, amazement and euphoria.
Now I have had the wonderful trio of Logi Hilmarsson, Helgi Jóhannsson and Michael Todd working on the editing and post for the pieces, and between us have brought the footage into entities of their own.
The screening is on Sunday and I am fairly certain I will cry.
Like the women in the piece, I have climbed into a dark cave, been drenched with cold realisation and felt the energy from that surge me upwards until I stand tall and full, breathing in the wonder of life.
at 12:35 PM