its 12.45am and i just got home from a 2 hourish walk around the city. i have spent most of the day in bed following a hangover induced by last nights djing at Prikið which ended with crowdsurfing but i think we are going to stick to Bar 11 and the whole proper party vibe
This afternoon after team kikikik film watching and then me managing to get myself eventually rehydrated and showered i decided that i really couldnt deal with Sirkus or parties etc. its been such a lovely evening it seemed a shame to stay in, so i didnt. i put things in my back pack, rolled a petite smoke and skidaddled my way around reykjavik with my (temporarily working) ipod. all down by the water, the harbour, through downtown and around the houses. i walked past the naked ape party which looked like huge fun but just not the fun i felt like.
the smell of the city and sunset reminded me of being on holiday as the evening is so nice and i walked in just my t-shirt and jeans, some of the way barefoot just for the hell of it and some of it skipping because i felt non pukey no more. i feel utterly invigorated and i can't think of a better way to have spent the evening thusfar.
pretty isn't it?
now i am going to watch a film i collected en route from júlia's video shop (uk people, they actually have a touch of frost in the video rental places here, have you ever seen that to rent in the uk?)
Random one for the day. Someone asked me if i had yet got a copy of the music video some of the SGs and I got paid for poncing about in October last year. I do and now as promised have put it here for your perusal. It for an italian band called The Afterglow.
www.myspace.com/theafterglowofficial
Have a good weekend. Come to Prikið if youre around tonight. I am considering wearing a tash to get me out of my funk. We´ll see.
First off let me start with much rejoicing. Souraya was indeed one of the people evacuated from Lebanon by the army. I know she is still somewhat in shock over the entire episode, which is only to be expected, but she is safe and so is her mum and this made the start of my weekend much much happier than i could have imagined. What also helped was the sunshine. So lovely and appreciated.
It was unbelievable on Thursday. Sveinbjorg picked me up from work early to go see a flat and then we stopped by the beach for a much needed chit chat before heading back into town and pootling to the Sirkus garden for a drink. My word that place is a suntrap. A veritable cocktail of trendy haircuts and oversized shades glinting in the sunshine, me included, clinking beer glasses and rolling up sleeves in an attempt to lose the icelandic skin tone.
Móðir and Pabbi Sveinbjorg invited us to a BBQ at their place which was perfect. Glass or two of wine, sunshine and fresh food. Once we were suitably stuffed. We disappeared back to chez kitty for duvet comfort and Green Wing. They have just started showing that show here, but i had the whole first series on my computer. Icelanders; WATCH IT. its my favourite british sitcom. Its amazing. Do it.
All this talk of sunshine and good news is to keep me thinking on the positive which is proving quite hard at the moment. I am explaining the outline of why I have been less than bouyant recently here in an attempt to curb the questions I have been getting, because I don't want to talk about it face to face with just anyone right now. After much discussion between us over the last month or so The Fox and I have decided that this is far far too hard. Its more than hard, its actually distressing both of us to an unhealthy level. I am not going to go into details but I am finding this more difficult than the usual breakup. For one, I can't go and see her for a neutral coffee to talk about how we are doing, but then again, if i were close enough to go for coffee we wouldn't be apart. The fact is that excluding the distance The Fox and I had what I would consider a diamond of a relationship. She certainly made me feel happier and that there was more of a balance than usual, so without it I am more than a little off key.
It is very strange to be in this situation. I have not been heartbroken by someone, yet am in extraordinary pain that i am doing well to hide because i don't have the option to show it unless I am alone, which I am trying hard not to be. I am not relieved to be rid of a relationship which was going downhill yet feel like this was a desicion which is doing the best thing for both of us whilst at the same time I am beside myself with worries, about her wellbeing, mine, and how people will react around her.
I am also aware I am heavily relying on a comfort blanket which is whispering in my ear that this is what must be done now but doesn't mean that things may not turn corners later in time. In short i have several mes fighting each other, the jeff buckley fan wanting to stay home with a bottle of whiskey and 40 malboro, the get over yourself sargeant major ordering me to get on with it and the complete denial lunatic which is much easier than usual to entertain because we didn't see each other for weeks at a time anyway.
She will be ok. I will be ok. Its just distinctly unpleasant in the mean time.
What this does mean in the broader sense is that Iceland has a fuck of a lot more to prove now. It was one thing to leave my home, sell and give away more or less everything i had spent 10+ years collecting, building, leave behind friends and family - but now, now it must reach a new level. I have faith, otherwise i wouldn't have done this, but the faith is a little subdued right now.
Saturday night did well to replenish my comfort. Sveinbjorg knowing that something different was required invited us to a friend's party on Viðey Island. Those not in the know need to be told that this is a teeny island just off the coast of Reykjavik. There is a little ferry which takes you between the two by the factories.
We were blessed with a lovely evening with no wind which enabled us to hideout atop a grassy hill.
The party itself was a little too....hmmn, well, townie. So we (Sveinbjorg, Kalli, Siggi, Bjorg and I) decided to drink our punch and be silly on the highest point available. From here we could listen to the music and be summery and partylike at a safe distance. The partygoers seemed to be having susbstantial fun without us anyway and I would still like to say takk for the party otherwise we would have gone elsewhere or nowhere.
Svenni told us children stories about morals and we talked rubbish as the sun went down. The sun actually went down too. This was the first evening I noticed it. It didn't go completely dark, but the sun went below the skyline. Part of me sat upright and realised winter was edging its way towards us now and part of me was relieved. I am used to the daylight now, but in some ways I would like night time to be dark again. Dark or light, it was very peaceful and beautiful and another one of those moments reminding me I´m a long way from a muggy city with air like soup.
i have been not so great of late for reasons i don't particularly wish to share with you right now (thank god i hear you say), but i have had wonderful people like The Kalli and The Svenni keeping me upright.
last night The Svenni and I took The Kalli on a secret adventure to the world's largest sailboat. its here in the harbour for reasons unknown to us. Its pretty fecking impressive so i am going to share it with you.
It was 10.30pm ish and the day was so gloriously sunny that there were quite a few people down there. Its more gloriously sunny today so if any of you lucky fuckers aren't at work, go down and see it. and take a moment to admire the knackered old boat opposite. its GOLD. fucking gold.
